Durian season is ending soon :(

This is a picture of my sixth aunt and me picking rambutans using a bamboo pole and some extra branches. The bamboo pole is probably left behind by some china guy who couldn't find his bamboo pole and end up chopping the tree. What an ass.

dear blog, to be honest, under my sister's recommendation. I went to seek second opinion for my condition. Guess what, the new medication cost a bomb. OMG. never mind that.

I don't really know why, but my legs and hands has been shivering and trembling quite frequently. Feels funny and weak at the same time when your hands are trembling while you are opening durians.

I hope to recover soon. I dislike the feeling of hiding at home, having to tell everyone else I am a clerk working in Safti. Its a lie, i know, ya ya~~~ but it kinda shuts everyone else up.

Wish me a speedy recovery.

FAILED MY BTT. OUCH, OMG~~~

omg, I just failed my basic theory. I have underestimated it; its a small setback. Now i have the feeling of a lion hunting for a rabbit; the lion gives its prey a full chase no matter how small or powerless it is. I will give my best shot again. :)

I am what I made myself to be.

(From left: 2nd Aunt, Yong Jie, ME, 5th Aunt)
The durian season is starting to end soon. As the season starts to end, the durians we pick would get smaller and smaller. This year, my family had a great time and experience picking durians, rambutans and jack fruits.

Currently, my health condition is stagnant. I can't lower the dosage of my medicine due to fear of relapse. I can't maintain this current dosage as fear of high blood pressure, diabetes and weaken immunity system. Doctor is gonna prescribe me a new drug that has more serious side effects.


I don't feel like getting out of the house as I get sick easily due to a bloody weak immunity system. I get nightmares daily with images of amputated hands and legs. I can't play basketball as fear of injury to the kidney. I get muscle cramps easily; I get stressed out by the urine dipstick test everyday. There are pimples growing all over me due to the bloody drug.

To make things worse, I feel kinda neglected by friends. So, I am gonna train up my isolationism and cut off all communications for this period of time.

I am gonna be stronger. I will cry alot this period of time, but I will get stronger, much more stronger. I will be more independent. I may be useless now, but I will start to think, start to observe, start to analyse and start to create wonders. I may be temperate now, but I will cool down and think again and again.

I will keep my temper to myself and flare it upon my gym equipment. I may have been lazy to analyse articles and books; but I will read them again, learn, analyse and voice out and make changes. I may have been messy; but I will re-organize myself. I will learn from my mistakes. Since the past, I have been able to hear, but not listen. I will start to listen instead of hearing. After listening, I will start to think. It may take some time before a good solution comes out from me; but I will take to effort to think. I wll take the effort to find out, discover and observe. I will never hesitate to ask again. I will get answers for questions and solution for challenges.

In conversations, I will listen more instead of speaking more. I will tell jokes if neccessary. I will keep others as the centre of the topic instead of myself. I will communicate more with others instead of just trash talking to pass time. I will learn to mind map. I will keep away from porn and other self-abusing materials that harms my mentality. I will not cut myself to stay awake again. I will not hit myself against the wall whenever I face any setbacks again.

I am what I made myself to be. No one else is to be blame for my failures except for me. I must take care of my body, my soul and my mentality.

down

I used to think that my mind is weaker than the body. I was always confident that this body can endure longer than the mind. I was WRONG.

Although not many people know it yet, yea, but I am on a 15 day MC; it is expected to extend. No one knows when will I go back to ocs, no one knows whether if i can resume my course. Worst, no one knows what the hell is wrong with my body.

this body is dying faster than what i have anticipated.

but dont get the wrong idea, i am still alive.

the first time in my life, i sleep with fear throughout each night. each night, my heart aches as though it is gonna stop working. I walk on the streets as though I am an old man, panting with every step. My body bloats up and swells as and when it likes. I can't run, move, jump around as I used to. I dread everyday of this ordeal.

To make things worse, I feel utmostly unfilial that my mom still has to worry for me everyday. It feels horrible to carry this sense of guilt around. Thank god everything is currently under the expense of the government; or else I would have become a vegetarian and live in seclusion for the rest of my life.

somebody, save me.

thanks

I didn't know I am that emotional until I am in NS and I saw Hui Ping's comment for me. I cried that night after reading it. Somehow the recognition was there when I need it; didn't really care or acknowledged my own presence until that moment. I just want to leave this comment behind before I enter ocs as a form of resolution.

coz i am that good.

lOOking back

Felt that I have walked a long way for these past 19 odd years(wondered how my parents make it so far). Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes, created a lot of havoc and destroyed a lot of things.

I lost my self-love, dignity and self-esteem in my secondary school days and gained brotherhood and friendship. I gained self-love and dignity when I was in NYP students union and have gained more friends, but I neglected my self-worth.

I learn what is self-esteem and self-respect when I passed out from Bronco platoon 4. I learned valuable lessons here and for the first time in my entire life I felt recognized as an individual.

It is good to look back at your past, laugh and smile about it, but not living in it. I have been some what living in the past for sometime; the past is something not worth looking back and to be reminded of constantly. I am now determined to walk out from these rubbish and surpassed my sisters and gained recognition as a character.

Many Thanks to my family who make an effort to go to Tekong to waste some government fund there and see me P.O.P.; especially my dad who ran away from work to see me. My sisters who claimed leave and my mom who managed to restrain my dad from creating trouble.

Happy Birthday to Sister!!!

Da jie, Happy Birthday wor!!! Although your qiong di di haven't bought you the gift yet doesn't mean he has not thought of anything yet. hahaz. By the way, people, this is a picture of my elder sister and me at NUS for her graduation photo taking sessions.

My jie jie is an amazing freak with god-like achievements. It scares most guys away with her achievements, that's why her boyfriend is also another freak. Anyway, they are both weird (thats why they chose each other *joking*).

Happy Mothers' day

I love my mom.

She may complain about taking care of us all the time, but she never once stopped worrying about us.

She may not be highly educated, but she's the most knowledgeable person in handling disputes.

She may be unreasonable at times, but she is a simple person.

She may appear to be sarcastic at times, but she is the kindest person I have met.

She may gossip at times, but this is her way of knowing how her friends are faring.

She isn't demanding but she knows what is good for us.

She is the centre of communication among her other 9 siblings, the treasurer for the whole family and main-organizer for initiating events.

At a very young age of 8, I had this high fever of 40 plus degrees. My mom have to stay by me through the whole night just to ensure that I don't sleep walk. This resulted her to become a light-sleeper and over-sensitive to any noise caused in the surroundings at night.

At age 10, during the primary school overnight camp, I was having difficulty breathing in the night at the camp. Thus, my prinicpal sent me home at 3am. My mom have to wake up to look after me.

At age 17, my grandma was on her deathbed and was immobile at Tan Tock Seng Hospital. My mom had to stayed up for 42 hours or more to look after her and at the same time taking care of my sisters and me.

At age 18, I experience acute pain in my chest area and was sent for A&E at Tan Tock Seng at 11pm. My mom and dad freak out when they receieved this news. I think my mom was quite tired when I told her I needed to go to the hospital, but she insists on coming along. Thank god it was a flase alarm.

Never did she complain once about these events.

*Salute*

helpless

It just so happans to be another tiring day after returning from my chalet with my classmates. Upon returning home, I received news that a Malaysian cousin had pass away due to some heart malfunctioning. Personally, I have no impression of who this cousin is, so I don't really feel much about it. What really matters to me is how taxing would it be on my family.

Family current status:

My Dad --> hardworking and dutiful man. Most probably he would be rushing to Malaysia to attend the funeral tomorrow.

My Mom --> A kind lady who would never reject to help anyone that deserves her aid. Currently coordinating everyone at her brother's wedding (my youngest uncle) and tending to my eldest aunt's complains.

My elder sister --> A great sister. Currently the main coordinator and MC for my uncle's wedding. She's going berserk soon due to my cousins and work.

My younger sister --> Attending school till late each day. Have not seen her for the past few days due to different timing of returning home.

Me --> Unable to help anything other than doing odd jobs. Feeling helpless and useless.

I can do nothing and at the same time I can't cry or do anything else. All I could do is only stand helplessly trying my best to fill in whatever gaps my family or others could not fill in. I can't go to the funeral because if I were to go, I can't help out at the wedding (which is more taxing). However, My dad would be going alone to Malaysia (isn't it abit sad?).

Dreams: A reflection of Reality or an Omen?

It has been some time since I update this blog. I utilized my days completely by doing everything and anything. Thus, it wasn't long before this body fell ill. I feel tired everyday, but I enjoyed utilizing my time as this really made me feel usuable. I had always wanted to sleep more, but I felt that there's a need for me to care more and be more accounted for towards my responsibilities.

My dad told me before, we spent one-third of our life sleeping, its better to utilized this time than sleeping. However, that is also the reason why people who are about to die tends to sleep lesser.

I had this dream recently; it was very scary but it is also very realistic. This dream came in many versions over several times. The scenario goes like this: I was walking down the stairs, when suddenly I missed a step and I felt my leg was being pulled. I woke up immediately and my leg was in a position being pulled.

Another scenario I could remember vividly was that I was playing basketball. Just when I happened to be taking a jump shot, my leg was pulled down. I woke up immediately and realized this was yet another dream.

To me, it was kind of freaky however, I felt that it was the recent lack of exercise that made my body works abnormally and happens to shiver or vibrate as and when it likes. In addition, I feel strains and tears along my shoulders and back. A lousy ankle that feels like sprain but isn't sprain.

Whatever it may be, I hope to completely utilize my everyday to the fullest. As I was recently taught, "Instead of finding excuses to avoid responsibility first, just give it your best shot to fulfill your responsibility. Only when you fail, you start looking for excuses."

bad influence

I am seriously sorry that I have misuse the trust given to me by my juniors in this Camp Embed. I seriously had no idea that my actions and words have caused so much unhappiness among juniors. I have nothing else but Sorry to say and I will never ever do it again.

Da Jie episode 2

This picture shows Christine Da jie and me holding our caricatures while attending a PAYM lunch along with Asilah, Hui Ping, Siti, Eddie and Farhan.

Name of product: Christine Da jie

Characteristics: Dedicated, Enthusiastic, Aspiring and Decisive LEADER.

History in the making: For the past few years, she has led me to more and more challenges. For example, she challenges me to take up the National Youth Achievement Award (and I swear I will never do it again). In addition, she introduced me to a MUCH more motivating leader and savior, Ms Ong Ying Shya. I certainly have no one else but Christine to thank for she has enlighten me on what is fear.

In the following year, I just happen to be slacking at home just before my birthday. Suddenly, I received a call from Christine. "Hey Damien, we got free tickets to the latest movie, Happy Feet." Being a cheap bastard, I naively joined them.From then on, I realized that I am one of the YEC members. Christine has once again taught me that something about life. "There's no such thing as free lunch in this world."

Unlike our previous product, this product has been sold to a gentlemen named Desmond for a VERY HIGH PRICE OF 25. 000 000 000 000 000 Rupiah. So congrats to Mr. Desmond!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!! Please bring the product to Hougang Avenue 8, Buangkok Green Centre if this product were to suffer from any malfunctioning. International Warranty of 18 years starting from year 1986.

Da Jie episode 1

This is a picture of my NYPSU senior, Chak Hui Ping and ME.

Much known to many of us, she has been a Friendly, Understanding, Caring, Kind, Enthusiatic and Reasonable senior. I am GREATLY indebted to her as she gave me my first event out of nowhere. Thanks to her too, she has set up a few challenges and tasks for me so that I would mature to be a better man. Although these challenges put my second year's life into a jeopardy, but now, I feel more positive while being sadistic and tormented. She has also invented an unique way of transmitting information into her peers' head physically, effective and efficiently.

Gentlemen, being such a wonderful vintage product, she is now currently offered through the usuage of a bidding system at http://www.ebay.com/defective+product=HUIPING/ . Each bid is 25.000 000 000 rupiah. Reachargable batteries are included. The winning bidder would also stand to win himself a XIAO BAI which is an excellent complimentary product to go along with Hui Ping. (Promotion will last till 10 of January 1965)

My birthday

I haven't got hold of all the pictures yet, but this is a picture of my brothers and me.

I am damn touched by my two sisters, Jet and Grace. My elder sis didn't even think twice when I asked her to attend my bdae with my friends. In addition, she bought finger food for all my friends. I am seriously touched. I can't help but cry immediately, I am crying while type all these. My little sister gave me a little phone accessory of the boy who pee to save his country, forgot what is its name. I love my sisters. I feel guilty now.

I am damn touched that my best brothers from my secondary school, Fuhua secondary 4E of 2003. They came all the way down from the west area to say "hi." They are Wei liang, Eric Soh, Michelle, Alex and Jason. They gave me a wallet and some Naruto figurines. The presents aside; I am damn happy just to see them.

I don't really know who bought the dumb bells for me, but I am seriously stunned. I hurt my back while receiving the dumb bells. Thank you, JIN HUI, Sri, Siti, Sze Kee, Jean, Zara, Candice, Jie Ying, Hui Ying, Ken Ken, Stacey, Grace and Asilah. Including my best pals from Union, I was damn happy to see Yong Siang, Wei Siang, Wei Ming, Kelvin, Lucaz, Alex, Leonard and Eddie to be here. What else can I ask for? Sorry, alert me if I miss out any names.

My best brothers Clement and David along with Alex (maybe more people) gave me a Nike dry-fit t-shirt and basket ball pants. Thinking of these, I cried another 5 minutes. *salute*

The senior gang turn up. They are Christine, Hui Ping, Gerlyn, Lee Hui, Alan, Wei Ming, Ming Wei, Chi Ho and Roy. They gave me a superman shirt which looks stunning on me, although I already am.

This was one of the toughest blog, I cried my way through this. I know this has completely destroyed the tough guy image. The only regret was that I didn't take pictures perhaps I was too busy to realize that. Please let me know if I left any names out and sorry if I did.

My Birthday

This is the first time I am not posting any pictures along. Sorry dudes, Kinda lack of the feeling to do post any pictures up.

It has now come to the most dreaded time of the year for me. I don't really like my birthday, but I felt this is a very good time to say everything before I graduate.
This is gonna sound quite unlike me.

So guys, If you don't want to read anything that changes my image which is already quite bad please press alt + f4. Thank you

10 things that I really want for my birthday:

1) A real friend who is so optimistic whom I can confide everything to him.
Why? I may have alot of brothers and sisters around me, a network that is surprising big (even to me), but I always have this lonely feeling. I don't know why.

2) Forgiveness for being such a bastard.
why? I have always been a bastard, perhaps this was to prevent myself from getting bullied.

3) A slap on the face by Yi Ling.
why? I think this will some how ease my conscience.

4) A day where everybody call me Wen Han.
why? I have too many names, too many a such that I feel like having an identity crisis.

5) A moment my dad compliments me.
Why? My dad has never compliment me once in my life.

6) Maybe a set of dumbells which i can chat with every night.
why? The lonely nights that I spend on MSN could be replace with something else.

7) Being surrounded by my secondary school classmates and poly friends.
Why? I am an easily contented guy who values friendship.

8) More decisiveness.
why? I have been hesitant for the past 19 years; Its time I pick up my responsibility.

9) A life that would not be bullied by others.
why? I have been bullied all my life, by primary school mates, neighbours, secondary school mates and relatives.

10) A new shelve for my books to be placed on.
why? My shelves are full thats why.

Taiwan

This is a picture of me when I was in Taiwan. The guy at the utmost left is Joseph, a guy I know from the trip. The middle guy is just a soldier who has just finished his guard duty. By now anyone should have notice that their helmet is damn SHINY!!! It is so incredible to even wear that. It is so shiny that I cant help but keep looking at it. Their soldiers are very cool too. They march like horses and move like robots suffering from rust.

Taiwan is definitely a fun place. It seems that our media likes to make it sound so messy due to the political issues. However, judging from a relative who has just came back from Taiwan told me that it is still quite stable. I will go to Taiwan again sometime soon. It is a very fun place.

Car inspection

This picture shows me carrying my cousin's son, Yong Jie.

During my days in Vicom, I learn alot of un-related to business stuff. Be it locations of thai discos, singapore national service biggest cock ups and even which Buddha to pray to first when you enter the temple. The inspectors also created a lot of funny tage lines of the car company names, such as

Twice Overhaul Yearly Or Throw Aaway (Toyota)

Hold On N Do Again (Honda)

Never Trust Union Chief (NTUC)

First/Failed In All Test (FIAT)

Best Man Wins/ Be My Wife (BMW)

Cancer Society in India (CSI)

Overhauling Price Especially Low (OPEL)

Very Interested Collecting of Money (VICOM)

I seriously learn a lot of rubbish stuff there, but there are also times I really enjoyed myself as the inspectors like to entertain us.

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

This is Eddie and me during NYPSU commissioning 2006. Eddie is a nice guy that likes acting cute and never really shows his true emotions even when he is shy, embarrassed or even when he is sad. For my female friends out there, he is available at a very reasonable price of ONLY 5 RUPIAH!!!. Please expect MULFUNCTIONS as this product may go haywire at times. Contact me at any way possible, while stock lasts. (batteries not included)

I learn this very important thing while I was witnessing a power struggle in an organisation. It is not about get praises by doing things right, it is about getting ourselves wounded and learning from the mistakes we made. Never be afraid of making a mistake in the process. What is important is that at the end of the day, we learn our mistakes and make some new friends.

Mid-Autumn festival aka "mooncake" festival

This is a picture of my brothers and me. We celebrated Eric (The one in orange)aka Erica's bdae at a canal behind our secondary school, Fuhua sec. It was a bloody hazy place to eat a cake but it was still fun to have brothers around.

Behind Eric is Wei Liang aka Winnie. Next to Wei Liang is Ming Shi aka Michelle. Next to Ming Shi is me, aka wendy and the biggest face in front is alex who has yet to get a feminine name.

They are all the best classmates/Brothers I ever had since secondary 3. And to add on, we are all very lame people. Although it doesn't seems like it, but I am the youngest among them.

IMF and Polyforum

This is a picture of Yong Siang and me during our day of commissioning.

Events are not all about getting things done, they are also about making friends. From these two events, I have experienced great friendship with other clubs. Known to many, the IMF world bank conference in Singapore was a very massive project. Thus, many of us poly students were mobilise to be BUS HOSTS! We all know it is a nicer term for tour guides and it is a rubbish job; however, this was one of the most memorable events I have in NYP. I stayed overnight in school for 5 nights just for this event and woke up around 5am each day to get ready; but I reall made new friends from this event.

They are none other than wushu club members of NYP. We all share a similar mentality just that our interests are in a different direction. I am not sure if I spell their name correctly but they are Chun Long, Perlin and Anthony. Ah Long looks just like any uncle at the coffee shop, but he's an magician in practise and laugh damn loudly. Perlin is a tiny cute girl who comes from a family of vegetarians, and has this really scary voice. Anthony is this old guy who looks young and likes buying breakfast for Clement and me. They are a bunch of nice and noisy people.

Theother event was the polyforum. I am absolutely disgusted by the way RP planned this event, RP = Retarded/Rubbish Poly. However, it was through this event I met a few friends from Chinese Orchestra of NYP. They are another bunch of funky people who have different interest but similar mentality. They are Jacqueline, He Qiang, Wei Lin and Alex. Almost everynight after polyforum, we would meet up and gossip. It is almost like an unofficial CO and SU meeting.

I seriously won't mind another few of these rubbish events after my IPP.