China-Tibet Crisis

Now that the Olympics are over, China is slipping into another stage of marketing themselves as a bad quality controller of milk but yet with scientific advances (going into space again).

I have been thinking all this while about this crisis actually. Since young we have all been fans of Jing Yong's (the famous author) novels; these includes famous titles like "the flying fox of snowy mountain", "the Condor Heroes", "heaven sword and dragon saber." However, if you look closely at the culture of these shows, there isn't any show that have a Lama (Lamas are monks from Tibet)and is a good guy. The ultimate evil guy in "the Condor Heroes", "Jing Lun Fa Wang" is also a Tibetan monk. Lamas (from what I seen) is perhaps the most distinctive difference you can see between a Mainland Chinese and a Tibetan.

As a matter of fact, none of the shows I have watched in my entire life shows a kind and heroic Lama. So, it is actually quite evident that the social gap between mainland Chinese and Tibetans are quite huge since some time ago.

Even shows about the revolution near the end of the Qing Dynasty like "Huang Fei Hong" etc shows nothing good about these monks.

While generating these thoughts, I was lead into thinking of another possibility of the future. I think that in the future, globalisation will be so complicated that there would probably be lesser and lesser pure blood; which probably means that my great-grandson would probably be a Chinese, Malay, Japanese and Indian mix blood. Of course, there would still be a very small percentage of pure bloods living in their own herd; but they would probably make just a small percentage of the the human kind.

Look at the Olympics, even players of European countries, not to mention Singapore consist of players not just who are the children of their soil but also Chinese who were originally China. Soon, our world would probably be a huge plate of rojak with a lot of "you tiao" but little sauce.

Are dogs really men's best friends?

I was just staring blankly into space when I started to create some thoughts on the things around me.

I started thinking, even in western context (perhaps due to my poor English standards) I really couldn't find a phrase about dogs that can be used positively. For example, "raining cats and dogs" isn't really a positive way to describe the weather. And even as we claim them to be our best friends, we wouldn't even use "as loyal as a dog" or some phrase along that line. We even call some people "bitch" , or use phrases like "stop bitching about her"; and even calling the girl that we hate a "bitch."

Chinese are actually worse off in this area. Take Chinese for example:

狗嘴吐不出象牙
a dog can never produce an elephant's tusk out of its mouth. (When used on a person) It would mean the person can never produce some thing good out from his mouth.

狗眼看人底
This means a dog looking down on humans; when the irony is that dogs are shorter than humans. In other words, a dumb person is saying that he is smarter that some one else.

狼心狗肺
Heart of a wolf and lungs of a dog. This phrase is self-explainable.

好狗不挡路
"A good dog never blocks the road" If using towards a person, it would mean asking the person to get out of your way.

The Chinese even call dog's meat "香肉" which means fragrant meat. So, the Chinese REALLY like them, just not as best friends but perhaps as a delicacy on the dining table. Yucks.

During world war 2, Germans were really creative in training our best friends as self-seeking bombs for the enemy tanks but only to realize that the dogs went for their tanks instead of the enemies. Thus, making them, our best friends, the worse weapon of the century.

In Singapore, Malays who are Muslims and are owning dogs as pets are a rare sight itself too. I don't really know why, but I assume it could be due to their culture or religion that dogs aren't really welcome as pets in their household.

From these thoughts, I am really starting to believe that we humans aren't really true to our words. It is such irony and contradictions that we have been creating that makes us ridiculous.

Moral of the story: So the next time your best friend questions asked if this is the way to treat your best friends; tell her/him ,"trust me, you don't really want to know how I treat my best friends."

learning something

One thing I learn about speaking to superiors would be a quote I taken from the book ,"The 48 laws of power."

It says ," Never be too straightforward. Go to the forest, the straight ones are being chop down, the crooked ones are still standing." You can never tell your superior ,"Sir, I think you are wrong." But you can always say ,"marvelous solution, sir, but I think this method is slightly better...."

At first glimpse, some one might like your frankness as it might be refreshing to them; perhaps no one has ever talk to them in straight forwardness. After they start to stick to you, they might find your frankness quite insulting to their intelligence. That is when they would start to abandon you or leave you.

Thus, lesson learn is speak English with the Englishmen, Chinese with the Chinese and Malay to the Malays. Not every one can take a direct shot.

My day in S**TI MI

Today there is this "commandant's water challenge" over at my camp. It was kinda fun looking at all the commanders playing water polo accompanied by songs that came from the 70s.

something cool to take note is that there was this general who was in one of the teams. Having a star on his shoulders (his rank amulet), he was literally our "star" player. He was quite good though.

Lets say your sergeant major has been adding extras for you recently; this might be a good chance to get "something" back at him. :P It turns out that all of these men are hungry for victory and have a very strong "cannot lose" attitude stuck in their head to some extent whereby integrity was some times no longer an issue.

Its true that these events are organize to create bondings and allowing the commanders and staff to relax once in a while. Being spontaneous, sporty and sociable is part of the job. However, please mind your image in front of others. LOL.

My officer was thinking ,"you mean if there's a war, we go to war under THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!" I was thinking, "yups, good luck."

All in a day's work.

自恋

Please view in IE if you guys can't read this.

今天我发了一个简讯给一位过生日的朋友:

"幸福"是猫吃鱼，狗吃肉,噢特曼打小妖怪。

"代沟"就是我问老爸觉得"菊花台"怎么样，老爸回答说没喝过。

"绝望"就是中午走食堂，点了两道菜；吃了第一个我震撼了；"世界上还有比这更难吃的?"吃了第二个，我哭了:"天啊，还真有啊!"

"自恋"是下半辈子我要投胎做女人然后爱上我这样的男人。

"无语"就是法官:你为什么印假钞?

罪犯无辜的说:因为我不会印真钞~

"诚意"是像我这样提前祝您HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!


在下对"自恋"所了解的意思是对自己的爱意以及对自己的照顾。它跟自私只在于一线之差。

在下觉得在漫长的人生中，若没那么一点自恋或自爱的话，而凡事都为别人着想，此人必定少活三十寿年。不过，若是处处都为自己争夺利益，那就是自私而非自爱。

人与财

这位是在下的表哥，William的儿子,Oscar.

古人日:"马行无力皆因瘦，人不风流只因贫。"

这是在下最近所领悟的道理。

在下虽然朋友不多，认识的人也少，不过身旁的几位大哥们都是蛮风流的。这几位大哥平时为人不错，对人不薄，偶尔也会举行"武林大会"来款待朋友;其他人格方面也不错。但好的不坏偏偏就是坏在一个"情"字。虽然说:"英雄随所见略同"，但还是"难逃美人关"。

张某认为这并没有什么不好，只是想对这几位江湖兄弟说:"别玩过头。"

希望在下的一番好意能让几位大哥稍微"收手。"

My time: end of a tunnel?

This is a picture of my cousin's (William) son, Yong Jie aka Oscar!!!!

Finally my MC is coming to an end. It will be ending this Friday, 12th September 2008. I sincerely hope that my body will recover to what it was a year ago. I realize that I have wasted 11 months of my time recovering from this rubbish illness. I ain't fully recovered yet as I am still on drugs and my body still trembles a lot.

Life have been lonely thus far, but I have been reading this book ,"the 48 laws of power." In general, this book corrupts one's mind to the extreme, leaving no space for purity or innocence. So you can probably imagine me squatting in a corner of my room coming up with ideas to manipulate humans or dominating the world.

The aftermath of reading this book is that I realized that I don't really need friends for friendship as I slowly find no use of them other then going for movies together. I feel more independent, empowered and perhaps a bit more confident to handle stuff on my own. The trade off for power and authority ultimately is still emotions. Emotions are not just a liability but also an irrational burden. 

 something less serious is that I have passed my final theory today. It makes no sense that I took 3 tries for basic theory and only once for advance theory. But then again, common sense or logic cannot be used to forecast my results. :p

I read about 2 differences between humans and animals that embeds in my mind permanently. Hunters are able to hunt and kill animals as they studied their behavior, their habits, their diet and their movements, in general, their patterns. That's what ease the hunter's job, the knowledge of the animal's patterns. Humans are the only animals that are able to shape shift their patterns. Yet many of us chose to live in the comfort of routines and standard patterns, which slowly makes this people the prey.
Humans are illogical, emotional and irrational. No one on earth is probably able to live without these traits. However, these are what makes us humans. No human being is completely rational as everyone will make human errors once in a while.

black and white

In my world, things aren't clearly divided into black and white, right or wrong, good or bad.

This is a picture I edited from a poster Ms Ong Ying Shya sent me. Its the nicest poster I have in my whole room and I seriously felt that this poster some how spur me on to live.

I read this line on the MRT on Tuesday saying ,"ability is what you are capable of doing, Motivation is how you it and attitude differs how well you do it." Kinda nice quote coming from a public transport company.

The date today is 15 august, I still have not change my mind about my determination to study overseas. I still feel that I am overly dependent on other people (although I have to say I am good at outsourcing) but I still am, lack of independency to do things in accord to my own judgement and initiatives. I am too easily influenced by my peers that I cannot make decisions on my own. damn. I still need to be thrown onto a desserted island to be forced to feel what its like to have isolation and independency.

Durian season is ending soon :(

This is a picture of my sixth aunt and me picking rambutans using a bamboo pole and some extra branches. The bamboo pole is probably left behind by some china guy who couldn't find his bamboo pole and end up chopping the tree. What an ass.

dear blog, to be honest, under my sister's recommendation. I went to seek second opinion for my condition. Guess what, the new medication cost a bomb. OMG. never mind that.

I don't really know why, but my legs and hands has been shivering and trembling quite frequently. Feels funny and weak at the same time when your hands are trembling while you are opening durians.

I hope to recover soon. I dislike the feeling of hiding at home, having to tell everyone else I am a clerk working in Safti. Its a lie, i know, ya ya~~~ but it kinda shuts everyone else up.

Wish me a speedy recovery.

FAILED MY BTT. OUCH, OMG~~~

omg, I just failed my basic theory. I have underestimated it; its a small setback. Now i have the feeling of a lion hunting for a rabbit; the lion gives its prey a full chase no matter how small or powerless it is. I will give my best shot again. :)

I am what I made myself to be.

(From left: 2nd Aunt, Yong Jie, ME, 5th Aunt)
The durian season is starting to end soon. As the season starts to end, the durians we pick would get smaller and smaller. This year, my family had a great time and experience picking durians, rambutans and jack fruits.

Currently, my health condition is stagnant. I can't lower the dosage of my medicine due to fear of relapse. I can't maintain this current dosage as fear of high blood pressure, diabetes and weaken immunity system. Doctor is gonna prescribe me a new drug that has more serious side effects.


I don't feel like getting out of the house as I get sick easily due to a bloody weak immunity system. I get nightmares daily with images of amputated hands and legs. I can't play basketball as fear of injury to the kidney. I get muscle cramps easily; I get stressed out by the urine dipstick test everyday. There are pimples growing all over me due to the bloody drug.

To make things worse, I feel kinda neglected by friends. So, I am gonna train up my isolationism and cut off all communications for this period of time.

I am gonna be stronger. I will cry alot this period of time, but I will get stronger, much more stronger. I will be more independent. I may be useless now, but I will start to think, start to observe, start to analyse and start to create wonders. I may be temperate now, but I will cool down and think again and again.

I will keep my temper to myself and flare it upon my gym equipment. I may have been lazy to analyse articles and books; but I will read them again, learn, analyse and voice out and make changes. I may have been messy; but I will re-organize myself. I will learn from my mistakes. Since the past, I have been able to hear, but not listen. I will start to listen instead of hearing. After listening, I will start to think. It may take some time before a good solution comes out from me; but I will take to effort to think. I wll take the effort to find out, discover and observe. I will never hesitate to ask again. I will get answers for questions and solution for challenges.

In conversations, I will listen more instead of speaking more. I will tell jokes if neccessary. I will keep others as the centre of the topic instead of myself. I will communicate more with others instead of just trash talking to pass time. I will learn to mind map. I will keep away from porn and other self-abusing materials that harms my mentality. I will not cut myself to stay awake again. I will not hit myself against the wall whenever I face any setbacks again.

I am what I made myself to be. No one else is to be blame for my failures except for me. I must take care of my body, my soul and my mentality.

down

I used to think that my mind is weaker than the body. I was always confident that this body can endure longer than the mind. I was WRONG.

Although not many people know it yet, yea, but I am on a 15 day MC; it is expected to extend. No one knows when will I go back to ocs, no one knows whether if i can resume my course. Worst, no one knows what the hell is wrong with my body.

this body is dying faster than what i have anticipated.

but dont get the wrong idea, i am still alive.

the first time in my life, i sleep with fear throughout each night. each night, my heart aches as though it is gonna stop working. I walk on the streets as though I am an old man, panting with every step. My body bloats up and swells as and when it likes. I can't run, move, jump around as I used to. I dread everyday of this ordeal.

To make things worse, I feel utmostly unfilial that my mom still has to worry for me everyday. It feels horrible to carry this sense of guilt around. Thank god everything is currently under the expense of the government; or else I would have become a vegetarian and live in seclusion for the rest of my life.

somebody, save me.

thanks

I didn't know I am that emotional until I am in NS and I saw Hui Ping's comment for me. I cried that night after reading it. Somehow the recognition was there when I need it; didn't really care or acknowledged my own presence until that moment. I just want to leave this comment behind before I enter ocs as a form of resolution.

coz i am that good.

lOOking back

Felt that I have walked a long way for these past 19 odd years(wondered how my parents make it so far). Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes, created a lot of havoc and destroyed a lot of things.

I lost my self-love, dignity and self-esteem in my secondary school days and gained brotherhood and friendship. I gained self-love and dignity when I was in NYP students union and have gained more friends, but I neglected my self-worth.

I learn what is self-esteem and self-respect when I passed out from Bronco platoon 4. I learned valuable lessons here and for the first time in my entire life I felt recognized as an individual.

It is good to look back at your past, laugh and smile about it, but not living in it. I have been some what living in the past for sometime; the past is something not worth looking back and to be reminded of constantly. I am now determined to walk out from these rubbish and surpassed my sisters and gained recognition as a character.

Many Thanks to my family who make an effort to go to Tekong to waste some government fund there and see me P.O.P.; especially my dad who ran away from work to see me. My sisters who claimed leave and my mom who managed to restrain my dad from creating trouble.

Happy Birthday to Sister!!!

Da jie, Happy Birthday wor!!! Although your qiong di di haven't bought you the gift yet doesn't mean he has not thought of anything yet. hahaz. By the way, people, this is a picture of my elder sister and me at NUS for her graduation photo taking sessions.

My jie jie is an amazing freak with god-like achievements. It scares most guys away with her achievements, that's why her boyfriend is also another freak. Anyway, they are both weird (thats why they chose each other *joking*).

Happy Mothers' day

I love my mom.

She may complain about taking care of us all the time, but she never once stopped worrying about us.

She may not be highly educated, but she's the most knowledgeable person in handling disputes.

She may be unreasonable at times, but she is a simple person.

She may appear to be sarcastic at times, but she is the kindest person I have met.

She may gossip at times, but this is her way of knowing how her friends are faring.

She isn't demanding but she knows what is good for us.

She is the centre of communication among her other 9 siblings, the treasurer for the whole family and main-organizer for initiating events.

At a very young age of 8, I had this high fever of 40 plus degrees. My mom have to stay by me through the whole night just to ensure that I don't sleep walk. This resulted her to become a light-sleeper and over-sensitive to any noise caused in the surroundings at night.

At age 10, during the primary school overnight camp, I was having difficulty breathing in the night at the camp. Thus, my prinicpal sent me home at 3am. My mom have to wake up to look after me.

At age 17, my grandma was on her deathbed and was immobile at Tan Tock Seng Hospital. My mom had to stayed up for 42 hours or more to look after her and at the same time taking care of my sisters and me.

At age 18, I experience acute pain in my chest area and was sent for A&E at Tan Tock Seng at 11pm. My mom and dad freak out when they receieved this news. I think my mom was quite tired when I told her I needed to go to the hospital, but she insists on coming along. Thank god it was a flase alarm.

Never did she complain once about these events.

*Salute*

helpless

It just so happans to be another tiring day after returning from my chalet with my classmates. Upon returning home, I received news that a Malaysian cousin had pass away due to some heart malfunctioning. Personally, I have no impression of who this cousin is, so I don't really feel much about it. What really matters to me is how taxing would it be on my family.

Family current status:

My Dad --> hardworking and dutiful man. Most probably he would be rushing to Malaysia to attend the funeral tomorrow.

My Mom --> A kind lady who would never reject to help anyone that deserves her aid. Currently coordinating everyone at her brother's wedding (my youngest uncle) and tending to my eldest aunt's complains.

My elder sister --> A great sister. Currently the main coordinator and MC for my uncle's wedding. She's going berserk soon due to my cousins and work.

My younger sister --> Attending school till late each day. Have not seen her for the past few days due to different timing of returning home.

Me --> Unable to help anything other than doing odd jobs. Feeling helpless and useless.

I can do nothing and at the same time I can't cry or do anything else. All I could do is only stand helplessly trying my best to fill in whatever gaps my family or others could not fill in. I can't go to the funeral because if I were to go, I can't help out at the wedding (which is more taxing). However, My dad would be going alone to Malaysia (isn't it abit sad?).

Dreams: A reflection of Reality or an Omen?

It has been some time since I update this blog. I utilized my days completely by doing everything and anything. Thus, it wasn't long before this body fell ill. I feel tired everyday, but I enjoyed utilizing my time as this really made me feel usuable. I had always wanted to sleep more, but I felt that there's a need for me to care more and be more accounted for towards my responsibilities.

My dad told me before, we spent one-third of our life sleeping, its better to utilized this time than sleeping. However, that is also the reason why people who are about to die tends to sleep lesser.

I had this dream recently; it was very scary but it is also very realistic. This dream came in many versions over several times. The scenario goes like this: I was walking down the stairs, when suddenly I missed a step and I felt my leg was being pulled. I woke up immediately and my leg was in a position being pulled.

Another scenario I could remember vividly was that I was playing basketball. Just when I happened to be taking a jump shot, my leg was pulled down. I woke up immediately and realized this was yet another dream.

To me, it was kind of freaky however, I felt that it was the recent lack of exercise that made my body works abnormally and happens to shiver or vibrate as and when it likes. In addition, I feel strains and tears along my shoulders and back. A lousy ankle that feels like sprain but isn't sprain.

Whatever it may be, I hope to completely utilize my everyday to the fullest. As I was recently taught, "Instead of finding excuses to avoid responsibility first, just give it your best shot to fulfill your responsibility. Only when you fail, you start looking for excuses."

bad influence

I am seriously sorry that I have misuse the trust given to me by my juniors in this Camp Embed. I seriously had no idea that my actions and words have caused so much unhappiness among juniors. I have nothing else but Sorry to say and I will never ever do it again.

Da Jie episode 2

This picture shows Christine Da jie and me holding our caricatures while attending a PAYM lunch along with Asilah, Hui Ping, Siti, Eddie and Farhan.

Name of product: Christine Da jie

Characteristics: Dedicated, Enthusiastic, Aspiring and Decisive LEADER.

History in the making: For the past few years, she has led me to more and more challenges. For example, she challenges me to take up the National Youth Achievement Award (and I swear I will never do it again). In addition, she introduced me to a MUCH more motivating leader and savior, Ms Ong Ying Shya. I certainly have no one else but Christine to thank for she has enlighten me on what is fear.

In the following year, I just happen to be slacking at home just before my birthday. Suddenly, I received a call from Christine. "Hey Damien, we got free tickets to the latest movie, Happy Feet." Being a cheap bastard, I naively joined them.From then on, I realized that I am one of the YEC members. Christine has once again taught me that something about life. "There's no such thing as free lunch in this world."

Unlike our previous product, this product has been sold to a gentlemen named Desmond for a VERY HIGH PRICE OF 25. 000 000 000 000 000 Rupiah. So congrats to Mr. Desmond!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!! Please bring the product to Hougang Avenue 8, Buangkok Green Centre if this product were to suffer from any malfunctioning. International Warranty of 18 years starting from year 1986.