time

Every one has a time limit.

Some longer and others shorter.

Our lives could be illustrated using lamps.

Some people run on oil lamps; some on candles, bulbs and maybe a few on fluorescent bulbs.

The candle length is rather short and thin. But I shall burn.

brighter than ever.

Stronger as before.

There will be no more flickering until the last light out.

my frustrations

I have been helping out in The Musical's auditioning throughout the weeks and I am amazed and still amazed till now that every and any kind of people exists. Unlike them, I have no wish or desire to glow, let alone shine. I am definitely not that kind of guy who would take the center stage and plays the main lead; Neither am I a person who likes telling people my sorrows and pain.

I like crying in the dark; not because I am in depression (maybe slightly because of low self-esteem) but because I feel more comfortable when I crying. Recently, 2 persons told me these "damien, there were times where you could shine." and started thrash talking me into confessing my troubles. They don't realize it; it made me more vexed and frustrated. To make my easy way out; I said I don't have emotions. But the awful truth is that my medication is causing me to lose my control of my calmness and everything else that is above my neck.

My heart races every moment as though it is popping out. I perspires rapidly even in air-condition. I tremble when I talk; I have to check my body weight everyday in fear of water retention. I suffered from mild panic attacks and occasionally have blurred vision. I have a bloated face due to side effects of my medication. I have so many other conditions which I am so embarrassed by and I can never bring myself to talk about them. I live everyday in fear that I would suffer another relapse and the implications carried by it. I don't need any sympathy or understanding; I need more scoldings and disciplinary enforcement to help me with my work.

I am not a thick skinned guy who could live through everything. On the contrary, I am affected by everything said about me in front of me. Please don't have the misconceptions that I am a sporty guy and could live through all insults and humiliation (even though you guys don't mean it); the only reason I keep mum about it is because of the image I gave others since poly days is a sporty and rough guy who plays pranks and could probably live through another 3 world wars. The truth is that I am an extreme introvert like my elder sister and are ultra-sensitive to our environment's behavior and actions.

After reading these, please don't come to me with a sympathetic face and tell me that you understand my condition and wished to help me; that would probably turned me off.

Are we that unpopular?

In view of the efforts put in containing the spread of swine flu; I sincerely give my utmost respect to all medical officers, be it nurses, doctors or administrative staff. I believe everything that could be done is done; but here comes the real deal. Being such a deadly and contagious flu; it could be logical to say that areas around the most affected regions like Latin America should be the first to get it. The spreading of this viruses would then be done through tourists and people traveling around.

For years; our country is proud to be one of the most developed countries; and more than 20% (rough estimate)of our GDP dependent on tourism industries itself (much more if include the multiplier effect along with tourism related industries). We hold a lot of MICE meetings and is used geographically as headquarters for many businesses around the region. If theoretically we have so many traffic; why aren't we hit with swine flu yet?

Does Mexicans know we exists? I am not asking them to send some one affected over here; and I am praying we would never have to deal with swine flu, but I am thinking that this is a good time for ST B to start working. In a positive light, our M OH could be doing a good job; in a negative light, we need more energy in boosting our tourism and global status. But then, maybe, just maybe, we are just lucky :)

Sleep

To all my friends and network.

Sleep, to many of us is just an equity that seems so easy and worthless to trade off as or when we like. It is so seemingly un-important that we use it to trade it for work; for games or for fun.

Although in an average life time; a person would spend 1 third of his life sleeping; 1 quarter of his life traveling; one quarter of his life waiting; it still does not mean that we should treat trading off sleep so lightly. It just means that we need better planning.

For those who have read this, sleep well.

Jokes at the start of FY09/10

1st Joke:
I went to office on April Fool's day, which is also the First work day of our financial year 09/10. Then I heard my boss say, "this week we would need to do OT." Then my supervisor laugh, followed by me, then my colleagues.

I seriously think we misunderstood my boss; he didn't continued his sentence. He just took half day leave and AWOL. Next thing I know; we were staying back in office drinking coffee and doing work while listening to Class95 playing Westlife's "FOOL AGAIN." (can't believe that i am the fool again......)



Financial year: and what it means.
We need to submit our claims before the end of the month and usually my nice supervisors would remind me. Seeing the "emptiness" in my bank account; I am very conscious in submitting my claim for my taxi fares to the PSC department(my company's claim department) once I return from my last trip of the month (cause you can't submit claims twice).

To my horror, I saw this message today. "Due to the end of our financial year08/09, You would need to wait till earliest 6th April for all your claims to be processed." My office literally imploded with the thunder coming out from my heart.

Lesson learn: In other words; the start of your financial year doesn't mean you start spending. It just means you are not allowed to spend, and until that time arrives; you are suppose to be playing survival.

Adopting children

A famous actress has been in all the controversy lately due to her intention of adopting another child. Personally I have nothing against her or Brad pit and Angelina Jolie for their adoption of kids as their intentions are not media seeking. However; this has influenced the other stars to follow suit; this is definitely wrong. The adoption game has just evolved to another stage. Another stage for the stars to perform their sincerity and sympathy.

I have no ideas what these stars are thinking. This is actually a very dangerous and misleading action to the poorer countries. Just imagine what will the African or third world countries' parents be thinking once they heard international adoption is rising on the trend? They would probably be making babies and selling them off. Sounds sad but ya; that's the third world for you.

It would pose no surprise to me that these kind intentions actually breeds ill-willed motivations.

Another example would be the famous IQ tests; the original intention of devising the IQ tests was to discover the gifted children and accelerate their mental strength and abilities. However; it has end up in a form of labeling the children with lower IQ and poorer learning abilities. The same goes for gunpowder; dynamites, nuclear power, steam engine or the airplanes.

I am not stopping anyone from being kind or inventing something; it is just that; we would have to think of the consequences when creating something; be it a revolution or doing something as innocent as adopting a child.

Balance

my body condition:
I went to visit david's recently. I manage to know some how a bit more about how I got my condition and what it might lead to and the healing methods.

What happened: My body immunity system is too strong and started looking for opponents to fight after I started a healthy life style with the army. It just so happens to attack my kidney.

Orthodox way of recovering: Suppressed the immunity system through drugs. Stay healthy. Sleep and rest early.

Unorthodox way of recovering: get chicken pox or any form of viral infections; let the cells fight a war. Kill all the cells using drugs.

I am pretty sure that I prefer chicken pox. (not forgetting the 2 weeks holiday)

Why do men die first?

I over heard this topic on the radio and I think it sounds kinda funny, here goes:
The question was why do men die first? Simply:

If a woman says she have a headache over man; it means she is tired and exhausted.
If a man have headache over a woman; it means he doesn't love her any more.

If men work out and keep in shape; it means they are vain. If they don't it means they are slobs.

If a man compliments his wife; he is lying. If a man doesn't compliments his wife; he doesn't cherish her.

If a man doesn't provide for his wife; he is a loser. When he provides for his wife; he is just being over-protective.

If men don't cry; it means they are insensitive; if they do; it means they are wimps and over emotional.

So, why do men die first? Ans: probably they wanted to. :)

N S, SA F advertisements

I went into Tekong today and there are really a few things I have picking up in the public and I felt that it shouldn't be funny but spent the whole day laughing at it.

"It is not what you left behind; but what you will gain in the days ahead." Then it shows an army guy kissing the forehead of his girl goodbye. There isn't anything wrong about this ad until I heard a few comments from some others in the ferry terminal.
A: This ad really misleading ar
B: Why?
A: It is like trying to say that you are going to leave behind a girl and gain more freedom once you are in N S.
B: LOL, no la. It could also mean you are gonna lose a girl friend and get a boy friend once you are in N S.

boy, that was really funny.

When I board the bus from AMK to home. The TV Mobile started playing one of the classic SAF ads ,"THE STEEL WITHIN." Honestly; it is quite an impressive advertisement. It is like a high-tech highly sophisticated group of people doing fantastic stuff. But the chill here came when a couple age around 16-17 sitting in front of me started chatting. I could tell the guy likes the girl but ain't together yet.

Girl: Have you seen this ad?
Guy: nope, what is it? a new car ad?
Girl: zz, no. it is one of the SA F advertisements.
Guy: o. Never see before. Thought what sia.

I was jiggling at the back. He said "car ad" when it is so obvious the bloody unmanned flying surveillance vehicle was flying past the screen.

Main topic: Joker; sub-topic: Slack

I just work out my plans for the next 2 years would be carrying slacking and do whatever I want. This is my last chance to do what I want before wage slavery kicks in. I want to go do a lot of climbing and crashing; I want to move around. :)

I have been watching the Dark Knight over again the last few times and you gotta admit; The joker is probably the most notoriously known arch nemesis of the batman. But; take a look at it this way; of all the villains; he is probably the worst armed villain even among his clowns. He have no machinery like Mr. Freeze, gadgets like the Riddler or poison like poison Ivy; But he has this extra-ordinary thing that surpasses every other villain. He knows human nature; the thing that struck me the most was when I discover the amount of effort put into creating this formidable character. He knows what makes people tick and what makes people move; if I have to say this; he is probably the most unorthodox psychologist that ever exist in the marvel world; maybe other than Professor Charles Xavier and Jean Grey. :P

Human's survival in its rawest form

I started reading the romance of the 3 kingdoms lately. I realize two main issues; Liu Bei was nothing more than an approving officer in his camp and the only reason he was king was because he have some diluted royalty blood in him.

Number 2: There is never permanent friendship; only permanent interest. It shows me that those who survives throughout the times are usually those without pride; either that, they are supremely intelligent, logical and un-swayed by emotions (some one like Zhu Ge Liang). The romance of the 3 kingdoms show this in its rawest form; as humans evolute, its gets kinda complicated but the ideal remains the same.

I believe its the same to excel in all organizations; the mentality that once this guy is no longer together with you on your path of interest; then it means it is time to part ways. To excel is one issue; to survive is another.

LIVE ON!

the REAL call of Duty

I came across this quote ,"without duty, life is soft and boneless" by Joseph Joubert. By the end of your life; what would you have accomplished? What would you have give yourself to accomplish?

I came across another story some time back and I think the both of them makes good combination.
Hercules was sent down by Zeus with to save and help man kind. Through out his life; he work and slogged to save human lives. Due to his heroic actions; he made too many enemies and got tired of all the action and ask Zeus; "How do I know if I have completed the tasks you have given me?" "son, only by your last breath, would you then, know if you have completed what I set you out to do."

I am writing this with some of my friends in mind; give yourself some duty; some task; some mission to accomplish. We are all gonna screw up some way or another; solets just enjoy the screwing up process but also keeping in mind a duty we give ourselves.

My wall has fallen.

It always give me pride when showing my guests my house which had a fake wall used to cover up two rooms behind it.

Today, my parents tore it down; I seriously really like that wall. It really pierce me in the heart to see it gone; instantaneously!!!! Just when I came back from work; I feel an empty space.

The sight of the empty space strikes me immediately and feels some what similar perhaps to the Berlin Wall. 2 facts: There is more space; freedom (I can now cut across to the main hall). Secondly, its much brighter. But; somehow it wasn't really space and brightness I desire. I feel as though I lost my favorite pet or some one just took away one of my limbs.

Its really saddening; perhaps that is why they took it off when I am not around. :(

身体健康

身体健康 is something I have been wishing for and hoping to attain. For years this have always been my favorite song; this song is meaningful to people with broken and "chui" bodies like mine. With the ongoing trend of putting lyrics of songs onto blog entries, here's mine:


我不怕为你吃亏
多苦的工作也愿意奉陪
我只怕熬夜太累
错过了我们明天的约会
我不怕满脸汗水
盖一个属于我们的堡垒
我只怕感冒的我
尝不到你为我做的菜
有多浪费
不要你陪我喝药水
也不要成为你负累
倘若爱你怎能让你
和一个病人亲嘴
眼睁睁陪着我受罪

我希望身体健康
因为我答应过
要让你生活得十全十美
海誓山盟倒不如保重
别叫你牵累

我希望身体健康
因为我不愿意
看到你为了我担心流泪
万一你比我还要憔悴
怎能享受爱的滋味

我也曾把我光阴浪费
甚至莽撞到视死如归
却因为爱上了你
才开始渴望长命百岁

保佑我身体健康
虽然那天昏地黑
你会看着我安睡
抱着你为我盖的棉被
让我感动到流泪

Envy?

Ask thou not, the choice of god.

But question thee; the wrong of man.

The spirits of greed and envy once visited the supreme god. God told them, whatever the first spirit ask for, he will give the second spirit twice of what the first spirit wants. However, if none of them demands anything; he would then banished both of the spirits to mortal realms.

The spirit of greed kept quiet; as it knows, only a fool would give up this golden opportunity to be twice as rich or powerful. Finally, the spirit of envy says ,"I wish to have one eye ball remove."

-the end-

When you are rich; stay humble. When you are smart; act dumb. When you are strong, act weak. Spine chilling is that the wrath of envy that no would dare provoke; let no one envy you. In return, envy no one.

Classify Customize Character Categories

I realize that if I were to categorize, I wouldn't put myself under simple people or complicated. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't even think it is possible to classify people into categories. There is SIX BILLION people out there, do you think it is even possible to group them; other than putting them under into a group name Earthlings, I wouldn't even dream of categorizing them. That's why I don't really get the geek listening to people studying horoscope and predicting my movements from there.

The belief from what I know is that the movement of the stars would have an effect on the people who were born under that same star. Other than that belief, I am bloody sure that the rest of the details were make up by statistics.

If there really is such a method of categorization, I would place myself some where near being an easy person; very simple minded, maybe impatient and impulsive, over confident at times but under confident at other times, Lousy temper but always attempt to see it from others point of view. Maybe I will stick with this character for the rest of my life. But that's what makes me, me.

new year resolution: more cold blooded and clear headed.

I have been an emotional guy all this while and finally matured to somewhat somewhere less emotional. But this is not enough, I need to slowly hardened this emotions for interrupting my work. Throughout history, negative emotions like arrogance, hatred and frustration caused great people to fall. I just realized it actually takes a lot of bloody effort to just say you don't care. Guess my blood is still kinda warm :P

I have been a fool who is always unaware of the things going around me. I am always fooled into turning round and round by people; although sometimes intentionally but somehow one way or another I am gradually becoming a real fool. I still need to learn when to talk and when to "appear" and when to say the right things at the right time.

Things I learn from driving.

This is a picture I took in Taiwan, Taipei. It is a picture of their guard of honor, along with Joseph and me. It has nothing to do with my topic; but it is a picture I wish to share.

My driving instructor is also a mentor on life. To him, life is probably a high way, not an expressway. There may be times you need to slow down; but that doesn't mean its time for you to off the engine. Slowing down in life doesn't mean turning off your engine and die. It just requires you to take a tempo on different things.


You may have overshot the right turn, but its okay; a detour will still get back on the road. We always blame ourselves when things go wrong; but we do not realize the amount of effort taken to self-blame is just another waste of time. It is important to do self-reflection once in a while; but not all the time. We should always spend the time looking for another route to detour to get back on track instead of blaming your own retard reaction.


Even when you come to a complete stop or rest, you still mustn't keep your eyes off the road or your hands off the steering wheel. Resting is a must for everyone; even for the best driver. Resting is a break for some one who is about to start another journey or continue his journey; not as though as your car is going for overhauling. Even when resting; you must always fix your eyes at your destination and on the road.


Grabbing the steering wheel too hard will only cause the car to wobble; a certain amount of lax must be given to the steering wheel. Its the same for relationships; a certain amount of space is needed for everyone. Be it the steering wheel or your partner, space is needed not for free wheeling, but for smooth journey.


Always do one thing at a time. Lets face it, only one in a Billion of us are Initial D drivers; the rest of us are better off as normal drivers. It is better for us to concentrate on one action at a time to avoid ending up in a confused state or worst; the engine resting on you. :)

There is a time to accelerate and a time to slow down. What gear to use when going into this turn and what speed to slow down to when going into the turn. Judgment on this issues are of vital importance. We must learn when to accelerate, brake or slow down. Achieving a constant speed is the ideal for safe driving, but that would probably be too boring.


On the road, slow down when others slow down. Accelerate when others accelerate. Give way when others speed; get a note book ready in case of accidents (lol). We need to accommodate and tolerate one another on the road in order to reach our destination safely. Being considerate, accommodating to others doesn't mean we must tolerate all of their nonsense. This again is another issue of judgment.

My question to you, is "Are you a good driver?" I am learning to be one though.

A Joke with the Driving Instructor

I don't know if this is gonna spark any rumors but this is simply too funny to be known only to me. I started learning driving today from Jean's uncle (Father's elder brother). Forget about ice-breaking and stuff like that, he drove me to stadium link and started learning from there.

So, he taught me the left and right turns, acceleration and brakes and stuff like that. Then he started asking ,"so, one of your friends learn from my brother?"

"er, actually Jean is my poly school mate."

"oh oh, she is my niece you know?? Okay, let go of the accelerator bit by bit, get ready to change gear, press the break a bit to around half, ar...correct....so Jean is your girlfriend?"

(got shocked, I ZHAM the break) "NO LAR!"

*STUNNED* He showed me that one in a million stunned face then slowly says, "Oh ok ok, don't do that again. Now we try again. go back to square one, press the clutch and press the accelerator and slowly let go of the clutch."

He continued telling me this ,"I used to teach one of my niece friends. I remember he is her boyfriend or something, his name is Zi something de. I think from a certain university. ok, stop here. Pull up the hand brake. wait ar.... I search (went through his books, AR! His name is Zi Bing!"

"orh......that guy still in army la uncle."

"Aiya, as long she happy can le"

This really made me laugh all the way home.

Cultivate Friendship

I just happened to be in another depression when I came across this book in the library. I came across this book which really happens to drop on my legs while I was taking out another book in the bookshelf (language sector). I don't know why the book is there but its title is "100 simple secrets of happy people", oh geesh, don't start laughing behind your screens. I really think it was fate this book when this book shouldn't belong in the language sector with it dropping on my leg. So I started reading, to be honest it wasn't a self-help book at all; to put it in more conveniently, I think it is a compilation of psychology research data. I come across this page which says ,"cultivate friendship".

here goes:

Close relationships, more than personal satifaction or one's view of the world as a whole, are the most meaningful factors in happiness. I f you feel close to other people, you are four times as likely to feel good about yourself than if you do not feel close to anyone. (Magen, Birenbaum, and Perry 1996)

(HuiPing, its not what you think, but this is for you)Happy people do not experience one success after another and unhappy people , one failure after another. Instead, surveys show that happy and unhappy people tend to have had very similar life experiences. The difference is that the average unhappy person spends more than twice as much time thinking about unpleasant events in their lives, while happy people tend to seek and rely upon information that brightens their personal out-look. (Lyubomirsky 1994)

I don't really remember most of the happy things I have been through but it says here that both kinds of people do things that create and reinforce their moods. What comes around, goes around. be happy.