Durian season is ending soon :(

This is a picture of my sixth aunt and me picking rambutans using a bamboo pole and some extra branches. The bamboo pole is probably left behind by some china guy who couldn't find his bamboo pole and end up chopping the tree. What an ass.

dear blog, to be honest, under my sister's recommendation. I went to seek second opinion for my condition. Guess what, the new medication cost a bomb. OMG. never mind that.

I don't really know why, but my legs and hands has been shivering and trembling quite frequently. Feels funny and weak at the same time when your hands are trembling while you are opening durians.

I hope to recover soon. I dislike the feeling of hiding at home, having to tell everyone else I am a clerk working in Safti. Its a lie, i know, ya ya~~~ but it kinda shuts everyone else up.

Wish me a speedy recovery.

FAILED MY BTT. OUCH, OMG~~~

omg, I just failed my basic theory. I have underestimated it; its a small setback. Now i have the feeling of a lion hunting for a rabbit; the lion gives its prey a full chase no matter how small or powerless it is. I will give my best shot again. :)

I am what I made myself to be.

(From left: 2nd Aunt, Yong Jie, ME, 5th Aunt)
The durian season is starting to end soon. As the season starts to end, the durians we pick would get smaller and smaller. This year, my family had a great time and experience picking durians, rambutans and jack fruits.

Currently, my health condition is stagnant. I can't lower the dosage of my medicine due to fear of relapse. I can't maintain this current dosage as fear of high blood pressure, diabetes and weaken immunity system. Doctor is gonna prescribe me a new drug that has more serious side effects.


I don't feel like getting out of the house as I get sick easily due to a bloody weak immunity system. I get nightmares daily with images of amputated hands and legs. I can't play basketball as fear of injury to the kidney. I get muscle cramps easily; I get stressed out by the urine dipstick test everyday. There are pimples growing all over me due to the bloody drug.

To make things worse, I feel kinda neglected by friends. So, I am gonna train up my isolationism and cut off all communications for this period of time.

I am gonna be stronger. I will cry alot this period of time, but I will get stronger, much more stronger. I will be more independent. I may be useless now, but I will start to think, start to observe, start to analyse and start to create wonders. I may be temperate now, but I will cool down and think again and again.

I will keep my temper to myself and flare it upon my gym equipment. I may have been lazy to analyse articles and books; but I will read them again, learn, analyse and voice out and make changes. I may have been messy; but I will re-organize myself. I will learn from my mistakes. Since the past, I have been able to hear, but not listen. I will start to listen instead of hearing. After listening, I will start to think. It may take some time before a good solution comes out from me; but I will take to effort to think. I wll take the effort to find out, discover and observe. I will never hesitate to ask again. I will get answers for questions and solution for challenges.

In conversations, I will listen more instead of speaking more. I will tell jokes if neccessary. I will keep others as the centre of the topic instead of myself. I will communicate more with others instead of just trash talking to pass time. I will learn to mind map. I will keep away from porn and other self-abusing materials that harms my mentality. I will not cut myself to stay awake again. I will not hit myself against the wall whenever I face any setbacks again.

I am what I made myself to be. No one else is to be blame for my failures except for me. I must take care of my body, my soul and my mentality.